Friday, November 18, 2011

The look, the feel, the fabric of our lives....

So it’s cold now. I dug out the flannel sheets for the bed. I threw on an extra dog last night too. Unwillingly.

To set the scene, we have a king sized bed. For the last 3 years it has literally sat on the floor. Not by my choosing, but Hubby’s old dog, Hope, couldn’t get on the bed, couldn’t climb stairs, so the bed went on the floor. Also let’s add that it’s a sleep number bed.

I’m digressing here. Moose gets made when you leave him at home and he knows that you’re going somewhere he should be going. One weekend, he decided to chew the cord on the remote to the pump for the bed. Making it nearly impossible to either raise or lower the bed.

So back the bed-so the remote, after the Moose incident and all my hard work plus the roll of electrical tape, crapped out a while ago and so only one side of the bed can be raised or lowered. No biggy, we work around it. And well, there’s a slow leak in the one tube, somewhere, so the person with the remote is good, but the other person sinks into the abyss. Then you have to switch the tubing, and hope that the dogs don’t bounce on the other side of the bed and accidently deflate it quicker. Now you might be asking yourself, why don’t they get it fixed. Sleep Number in their great wisdom, won’t just fix a part. NOOOO, you have to buy the whole assembly. $500 bucks worth. I’m searching Craigslist and Ebay for a cheap spare. Maybe even two to make it easier.

Oh and the part about adding another dog to the bed? When you are laying cuddled up watching TV at night, there’s usually the assorted mess-Emmett, Turner, Moose, Phoebe, maybe Pete though she’s usually bouncing on the bed with Emmett. Frank, Dove? No Eddie as he lays on your head. Or Max, who you just give the entire side of the bed for his own.

But when you go to bed at night, it’s a race to see if you can get your spot before the dogs take over. We sleep with Tuli, Phoebe, Fred and Moose in bed. Tuli actually sleeps under the dresser, growling at anyone that dare disturb her. Phoebe, on your feet or right in between Hubby and I. Moose slams his body on my side of the bed, velcroing himself to my legs. This would be after Hubby has unceremoniously kicked him off his side of the bed, where he had laid claim to his pillow and is staring at me. Fred, well, once he gets done licking the floor in some out of the way area, crawls up next to Hubby and in effect, makes him a hostage to the blankets.

Last night, not only were the flannel sheets on, but I had just washed my flannel pj’s. I crawl into bed, Moose already transplanted from the other side and taking up residence, not a long side me but kitty corner on my side. I curl my feet up in an attempt to shove them under him, didn’t work. Next thing I know Phoebe is laying across my feet and Hubby’s at the bottom of the bed. Then the weirdness continues as Tuli is up on the bed, staring at Hubby. She never sleeps in bed with us. It’s beyond creepy. Sherilyn, it’s even worse than Edweirdo!

Not only does Tuli stare at him, but when I acknowledge her presence with a “oh shit, the chic is out of her cave”, then she drags herself over the top of Hubby and plants herself between us! Fred takes the opportunity to jump up next to Hubby and settle in for the night. If you had to go pee, it was not going to happen till morning. You were sandbagged down for the duration of the night. One thing you do not do is disturb Tuli once she’s in her spot.

Oh and remember those flannel sheets and pj’s? Yeap, it’s like Velcro under the covers. My legs on my pj’s migrated firmly up my thighs, effectively cutting off circulation to my toes. Should have worn shorts. Then the heat of four extra dogs makes me sweat. Then of all things, because I’m on the side of the bed that is slightly deflated and in a weird position due to Moose laying kitty corner, I get a cramp in my butt. Then I have to pee-damn cup of tea!

Any attempt to dethrone a dog is not going to happen. You need leverage of some sort, which I have none. Flannel to flannel, deep in a hole, cramp in tush, I start wiggling my way up the bed. That in turn pulls the pj’s firmly up around my thighs, down to their usual length, but the more I wiggle, the more I realize that I’m wiggling right out of my bottoms!

I gave up, finished getting out of bed, bottoms still attached to the sheets. I seriously thought about going to the bathroom, then returning and slipping right back in them as they lay-I knew it would work. But I also knew that would make it nearly impossible to move further during the night. Dug out the bottoms, went pee, came back, sighed with hands on hips. Then I walked back to the bathroom as the cramp in my tush was not gone yet.

When I did come back I did manage to kick Moose off the bed. Quickly, slid into bed, spread out and Tuli looked up and glared at me. Phoebe in the meantime, jumped off for a drink, hacked her way to the dog bed and plopped down. I could stretch out my legs!

When I woke up this morning, Tuli was back in her cave. Fred was upside down in Hubby's spot(he was in the shower) Moose was snoring on the floor and Phoebe was back on my feet. My bottoms were back up at my thighs, having again cut off circulation to my feet. And yes I was still in the divot in the bed.

Ah I love my flannel !

Later gators...

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